((So I spent an hour writing a post and it got deleted so here goes round #2...))
WARNING: like how all my posts will be, it's honest. if you don't like honesty, don't read
My anxiety looks like wondering if I'll have to get up to pee when I'm out at a restaurant with friends or on a date.
My anxiety looks like wanting to visit old neighbors and friends but realizing that it's not the same anymore and trying to accept that but struggling to do so. (Which prevents me from enjoying the time I spend with them).
My anxiety looks like checking to make sure my five alarms are set on my phone to make sure I wake up in the morning because four alarms wouldn't do the trick. (wow that was a run on sentence)
My anxiety looks like wondering when the next bathroom stop will be in the car and thinking I'm going to pee my pants even when we just stopped five minutes ago.
My anxiety looks like babysitting children I adore but thinking I'm doing everything wrong and the parents will hate me and not hire me again. Never happened. But of course that doesn't stop my brain from coming up with reasons to believe it.
My anxiety looks like watching the Minnesota Wild play.
My anxiety looks like not knowing if I'll ever be loved the way I need to be loved.
My anxiety looks like being anxious for other people. My brother is going to volunteer out in Washington for three weeks and I'm anxious he won't make his flight, he'll forget something, or that he won't make his connection, etc... the list goes on.
My anxiety looks like a hungry pack of wolves swirling around inside my mind coming up with plenty of things that could possibly go wrong to swarm my brain.
My anxiety looks like sitting in church and wondering why I am putting my faith in this white guy from a book. (sorry not sorry)
My anxiety looks like having to unfollow or unfriend people because I look at their pictures and wonder why I wasn't invited or why am I not pretty like they are or why I can't be closer (physically and emotionally) to them.
My anxiety looks like figuring out what I want to major in in college, let lone what college I want to go to.
My anxiety looks like checking the doors and windows five times to make sure their locked.
My anxiety looks like always thinking you did something wrong. Big or small but
My anxiety looks like me biting, chewing, ripping, etc... my nails until I have to put band aids on them because either a) they started to bleed or b) that's the only way I don't bite them
My anxiety looks like a puddle of tears.
My anxiety looks like me currently debating whether or not to post this because I don't know what people will think or say.
My anxiety looks like a pile of trash. Smelly, big, and no one wants to take care of it.
My anxiety looks like me. It absorbs me. It consumes me. It is me. (or at least that's what it feels like most days)
Love,
Olivia
WARNING: like how all my posts will be, it's honest. if you don't like honesty, don't read
My anxiety looks like wondering if I'll have to get up to pee when I'm out at a restaurant with friends or on a date.
My anxiety looks like wanting to visit old neighbors and friends but realizing that it's not the same anymore and trying to accept that but struggling to do so. (Which prevents me from enjoying the time I spend with them).
My anxiety looks like wondering when the next bathroom stop will be in the car and thinking I'm going to pee my pants even when we just stopped five minutes ago.
My anxiety looks like babysitting children I adore but thinking I'm doing everything wrong and the parents will hate me and not hire me again. Never happened. But of course that doesn't stop my brain from coming up with reasons to believe it.
My anxiety looks like watching the Minnesota Wild play.
My anxiety looks like not knowing if I'll ever be loved the way I need to be loved.
My anxiety looks like being anxious for other people. My brother is going to volunteer out in Washington for three weeks and I'm anxious he won't make his flight, he'll forget something, or that he won't make his connection, etc... the list goes on.
My anxiety looks like a hungry pack of wolves swirling around inside my mind coming up with plenty of things that could possibly go wrong to swarm my brain.
My anxiety looks like sitting in church and wondering why I am putting my faith in this white guy from a book. (sorry not sorry)
My anxiety looks like having to unfollow or unfriend people because I look at their pictures and wonder why I wasn't invited or why am I not pretty like they are or why I can't be closer (physically and emotionally) to them.
My anxiety looks like figuring out what I want to major in in college, let lone what college I want to go to.
My anxiety looks like checking the doors and windows five times to make sure their locked.
My anxiety looks like always thinking you did something wrong. Big or small but
My anxiety looks like me biting, chewing, ripping, etc... my nails until I have to put band aids on them because either a) they started to bleed or b) that's the only way I don't bite them
My anxiety looks like a puddle of tears.
My anxiety looks like me currently debating whether or not to post this because I don't know what people will think or say.
My anxiety looks like a pile of trash. Smelly, big, and no one wants to take care of it.
My anxiety looks like me. It absorbs me. It consumes me. It is me. (or at least that's what it feels like most days)
Love,
Olivia
Thank you for sharing! Thank you for putting yourself out there to help get rid of the stigma. You're beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThanks Andrea! That means a lot to me. Love you.
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